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AGK's avatar

Two things strike me about this piece: first, it's sorely needed. I'm extremely tired of the noncommitment-as-empowerment narrative plaguing the last three generations. People are always writing about what they need, their health, their truth, their peace, their personal "journeys", etc. There's so little talk of what they provide; what they contribute; how they clarify; how they take care of others; how they make their immediate environment better; how their journeys link to the journeys of others, and so on. We are isolated and atomize and are becoming increasingly narcissistic and entitled as a consequence. We are all guilty here, this is not me riding a high horse.

The second thing is, you've avoided the trap that most people fall into when writing about love: licking all the icing off the cupcakes and discarding the rest. You speak about love so beautifully while avoiding the type of saccharine that someone like myself is allergic to. This resonates with me because it's about duty as much as it is about love.

You also touch on too much choice, which is absolutely crucial to understanding why relationships are suffering in the modern age. Some choice is good, and I would never claim otherwise as a classic liberal, but there is a point of diminishing returns. Too much choice, not only makes things complicated, but is destined to make us unhappy. Nothing is perfect, but when your choices are limited, it's easier to recognize that there are no perfect options. When choices are endless, you can't help but wonder what else is possible, and any imperfection with what you have causes instant buyer's remorse. Making a commitment, then seeing it through, becomes almost impossible.

Beautiful work, Tamara. Clearly, you're committed to your craft. I could've just said "I loved it", but love is not enough.

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Céline Artaud's avatar

This is an extraordinary piece, lyrical, incisive, and rich with both historical depth and emotional clarity. The way you braid philosophy, psychology, and cultural history into a single thread is masterful. All your essays are. Your language pulses with life, but it’s the architecture beneath the prose, the scaffolding of ideas, that makes it unforgettable.

I would only add that perhaps love and commitment don’t just need to coexist, they need to challenge each other. What if love’s wild unpredictability is what continually tests the structure of commitment for weak points, not to break it, but to refine it? Like fire testing steel. And maybe commitment, when resilient yet adaptable, becomes the crucible in which love evolves from raw emotion into something consciously created. Not just something we fall into but something we build, with ritual and repair.

You captured the paradox of modern intimacy with elegance, but also given it hope—hope not rooted in fantasy, but in effort, presence, and mutual evolution. Thank you for this stunning reflection. You are a formidable writer.

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